I’m not going to lie, today has been sh*t.
It all started at about 1am this morning, when I was struggling to get to sleep. I had a bit of a case of the terrors last night when I realised I’d been here for exactly six weeks – that means I’m a quarter of the way through my adventure, and one fourth of the way towards my (self-imposed) deadline to finish my book.
All I kept thinking about was how, in just under five months, I’d probably be heading back to London, tail between my legs, begging anybody that would listen to me for a job. And then, somewhat irrationally, I started thinking about how I would no doubt be a complete failure in the job – having obtained it fraudulently somehow.
I did not sleep well at all, tossing and turning all night. I nearly gave up trying at 5am and was going to get up, but it was still so dark outside I couldn’t face it. At some point after 6am, I must have managed to get back to sleep though as I woke up with the noise of a group of school children walking up past my house at 8.40.
And my dour mood unfortunately continued throughout the day. I forced myself to ‘get motivated’ and headed out to spend the morning writing on the beach. I had everything packed and headed down at about 10.30, but not even the sight of the waves gently lapping at the sand was enough to pull me out of my mood, so I left to get some provisions from the supermarket.
When I got back, I decided to ignore the glorious sunshine outside and set up my workstation at the kitchen table. I didn’t stay there long though as I felt guilty about being indoors so I spent my day ‘writing’ basically walking around the garden, indoors, up on the roof terrace, with my writing book in my hand. I did manage a bit… but most of my time was spent just staring off into space, not really thinking of anything of any substance.
I’m not going to let it get me too down though. After all, this is the first day I’ve felt like this since I’ve been here, and I’m bound to get some down days. It’s all about how I pick myself up from them afterwards. And I have no doubt that I will. For a start, my Dad is coming to visit on Saturday and I can’t wait. I’m really excited to see him – haven’t seen him for over six weeks!
Also, I can’t deny this is an amazing experience, and one which I am so grateful for. Tomorrow is a new day, and I’ll be back on form. I hope.